My burning bush is already sprouting a reddish top and leaves are turning yellow-gold and slowly falling from the branch. Tomorrow is the last day of August and is considered by some to be the end of summer. Schools are back in session and I'm noticing more halloween decorations on sale and local farms offering hay rides, cider and pumpkins. It's funny watching our behaviors as we always seem to rush in the next big holiday or special occasion and focus on that coming month and all the necessary preparations for it.
I'm getting older now and thinking more about the advice I got years and years ago when I was one of those people always looking forward and not really living in the moment and appreciating the time I had available to me in "real time". I believe that it's not just my natural maturation, but it's also the life-changing experiences I've had that are starting to raise up the advice I got all those many years ago to "stop and smell the roses, or, don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today".
It took the loss of my sister, my mom, my dad and my husband to make me want so badly to have a do over or a revisit of that time in the past so I could savor it and drag it out as long as possible before letting my mind move forward to the next moment, hour, day, week, month or year. I hear songs about turning back the hands of time, and if I could have the power to do it, that's exactly what I would do. So many, many times when I'm reflecting on times spent with my loved ones, I long so badly for that time again. I think about how I would have done things differently....maybe savored those moments on the beach and played in the water, sun bathed in the lounger and talked and talked and talked about how much I loved and appreciated them "just because".
I miss Mike so much and it's still a miss that hurts like it did when the emotions were so very raw. The truth is, I cannot change anything that I said or did in the past. I know this. It's crystal clear. What I can do is spend time reliving their presence, our interactions, our experiences and all the fun, happy, sad, sometimes painful times we shared together. I cherish them. I'm grateful for them. I appreciate them and they carry forward with me in my heart from moment to moment, hour to hour, day to day, week to week, month to month, and year to year.
I'ts been 4 years 4 months and 2 weeks since I lost Mike. And it's been that same amount of time that he's been thought of, cried over, laughed about, dreamed about, and deeply missed. So, the point is this, no matter what month, what holiday, what celebration it is, I'm always looking forward to it, because I have Mike solidly planted in my heart and soul and his spot is permanently reserved for all the eternity of my earthly life and beyond if that's the way God allows it to be. So, I'm not sad to see August pass or concerned about moving into a new season, because no matter where I go, when I go, how I go, Mikes gonna be there with me. That makes me very happy and gives me great comfort.
How about you? Do you ever have thoughts like this about your loved one? Have you found ways to cope and move forward with optimism and enthusiasm about your future? We would love to hear about it and it may help someone else reading this blog to find a way to put that one foot in front of the other. This is a safe, nonjudgmental community space so I hope you know that sharing your thoughts is much appreciated and very helpful!
God Bless You!!!
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