I was taught from an early age that Good Friday was the prelude to the most important biblical event in the history of the entire world - the Resurrection of Jesus Christ! It marked the day set aside for the world to remember the ultimate sacrifice our Lord, Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ made when he died on the cross for our sins, so that we could be forgiven for our sins, and if we were his followers during this earthly life, once we died here on earth, we would live on in heaven for all of eternity with Him, his heavenly Father and all his other faithful followers in the heavens and on the earth. I believed that as a young child and I continue to believe it today. Therefore, I do consider it a Good Friday and I always take a moment to reflect on the meaning of that special day and how it blessed me to inherit that promise as long as I continue to live my life as a follower and believer in God.
However, this year of 2022, Good Friday fell on April 15th. April 15th is also a day I will never ever forget and it marks the beginning of my journey with Good Grief. You see, April 15th is the day Mike died. Every year (3 years now) I experience grief as my mind wanders all day long from memory to memory of every moment and how I spent that moment at that time leading up to that moment when I said my final good bye to him. This year it was a very unusual day because I was so conflicted with thoughts and feelings of joy, happiness, gratefulness and GRIEF all running together inside of me!
I am always grateful, happy and joyful on Good Friday because what Jesus did for me that day (sacrificed himself so that I could have a shot, no a guarantee, of his promise to transition from this temporary, borrowed physical life here on earth, to an eternal state of being where every single moment is lived in everlasting bliss, happiness, serenity, love, peace, and goodness all around me) renews my hope, strengthens my faith and has me looking forward to that day without fear or dread.
Instead, I often say out loud, I CAN'T WAIT until I get my eternal reward and my crown. I mean imagine that experience of realizing and coming to know firsthand that His promise to you is validated, certified truth and you have the confirmation that you "made it over" to the other side and it's everything you imagined and so so much more! Oh my, yes, Good Friday is a good day for sure.
But, remember, I said I was conflicted this year because this year, Good Friday marked the beginning of my journey with Good Grief. It was a crazy day folks, I spent it with these thoughts of the goodness of that day because of Jesus's death, and the horrible sadness of that day because of Mike's death. So one moment I'm feeling happy and grateful, and the same moment I'm crying, sad, hurt, in pain and depressed! I'm actually happy that April 15th is not Good Friday every year. But April 15th will always be significant for the obvious reason of what it means to me. I tried all day to remember that I could be happy because I know without a doubt that my husband made it over to the other side where he is living his best life, in his best form of being FOREVER! That truly makes me happy, he earned it through his faithfulness and he never waivered, once!
I do look forward to the day that April 15th becomes a day of celebration, rejoicing, happiness and only gratefulness for the goodness of God to deliver his promise to Mike that day. I am motivated by my commitment and determination to follow in Mike's shoes until my last day, so I can realize the fulfillment of God's promise in my own life. What a glorious day April 15th can become for me. But for now, I'm taking it one day, one month, one year, one April 15th at a time....I know it's coming, but I'm giving myself the time I need to let my heart and mind get me to that point. Good Friday, will continue to be a day of rejoicing and celebrating God's promise and the ultimate act of love he did for me. Good Grief, will continue to be a journey for now, but I know one day I will see it as that act of love God did for me to enable me to see and feel his goodness every time I think of Mike or share a memory of him.
Are you able to see yourself moving forward and able to feel happiness, peace and joy when you reflect on your loved one? Would you be able to share how you're coping and taking steps forward to that better place where it brings you comfort to talk about it? This blog is a safe community space for healing and whatever you share, could/may help someone else who may be early into their grief and looking for support, understanding, and comfort. Thanks so much!!!
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