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  • Writer's pictureGrace Rice

Living on a Seesaw

I know what I'm feeling but I just couldn't explain it until the day I reminisced about some fun childhood playtimes. One of my very most favorite things to do was swing and play on the seesaw. As I thought about being on that seesaw, I quickly thought about my emotions going up and down like the seesaw motion. As one end of the seesaw went up, the other end went down. I thought to myself, that's exactly how my emotions and feelings have been these last several months. If I find myself elated about doing something fun that makes me laugh or makes me happy, then my feelings of sorrow and loneliness go down for that time of joy. It's a simple analogy right? But, the comparison of joy to sorrow seems unrealistic to me. There's no comparison except to say that joy is happiness and sorrow is unhappiness.

But then I start to realize that I don't have to be in conflict with my feelings. That it's okay to feel joy, to be happy and to love living again. It's also okay to feel sorrow and loneliness for my loss of one of the greatest, kindest, most loving persons ever to walk into my life. I actually treasure those feelings, because it just a somewhat painful reminder of how tremendously blessed I've been. If having these feelings cause me to feel some sadness I'm accepting that because it's a reminder of how blessed I've been to have someone who at one time gave me great joy, much happiness, and the deepest love imaginable. So, I'm actually learning to savor those feelings too, because they remind me of God's love for me.

I must admit, I'm somewhat afraid or maybe a little shy of feeling joy and happiness and laughter in my life, because there is a little bit of fear of being hurt again or maybe it's a little bit of guilt in realizing that I might be crawling towards my new normal and not sure if it's really okay to allow new blessings, new opportunities, new loves into my life. So, I realize I may be in conflict and struggling on how to reconcile or live with the dichotomy of feelings I have. I just know one thing to be absolutely and unequivocally true...God is still in control and I have invited God into my life to let me walk in His purpose, in His plan, in His favor! Maybe that is exactly what is happening to me and I'm going to step back, let go and let God in!!!! Are you feeling some kind of way about the new things happening in your life? Wanna share?


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