What happened? Where did the time go? Have you ever heard that question? Well now I think I know why someone would say that. I was super busy these past 2 months, to the point that I forgot about my blog! You see, I've been very active with promoting the children's picture book I wrote - God's Perfect Gift Disability through the eyes of a child, Winning the Race! I was blessed with a book signing event at my church where I sold more than 40 books in an hour and a half.
Then I jumped on some other opportunities to share the book's story and that led to more sales. I also found myself having to update one of my websites and making some mistakes that cost me money I didn't want to spend plus a lot of rework to correct my errors. In between that I did have an opportunity to attend 2 high school football games, a Cav's basketball game (they won!), a couple of funerals, a trip to the dentist, and a one week sabbatical to a beautiful cabin in southern Ohio. So, I guess I was pretty busy after all!
In the Fall I love taking long walks in nature to take in the beautiful scenery of the trees turning vibrant red, luminous gold, earthy green, pumpkin orange and sometimes all of these colors are on the same tree! This year I was too busy for those long relaxed enjoyable nature walks and I missed that. Just as I missed the whole last two months! At first, I was feeling some kind of way about my daily life speeding up and projecting me into the month of November without any preparation! Sounds silly right? But what I mean is that I usually plan ahead and set up a schedule on my calendar to make sure I'm hitting all the to-do's and wanna-do's. But this time, I just fell into the month. Why? How? I was really busy!
Upon reflection I realized something much more important was happening to me during the months of September and October. I was moving forward in my life and enjoying new experiences! That's HUGE, because I see now that I'm healing and able to feel more normalcy in my life that I wasn't feeling before. It's like the feeling you have when your body or hands and feet get really cold and then start to warm up again. I'm finding myself laughing and joking with my friends, kids and grandkids, and I'm actually looking forward to the days, weeks and months ahead while planning more fun things to do. The best part is that I'm not feeling guilty about it like I used to. I know Mike would want this for me and I'm slowly wanting it for me too. I admit I still have almost daily sad moments where I might fill up or actually cry. But those are lasting for shorter periods of time and I'm quickly going to a place where I'm saying aloud that I'm so grateful for having him in my life.
So, I'll say I'm really doing well and moving forward into my new normal, but allowing myself those moments when I need them. I think that's okay. What do you think? Have you found some new ways to cope with your grief? Do you feel like things are getting better for you? Are you able to share your thoughts here in this safe place?
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