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  • Writer's pictureGrace Rice

Work it out!

Time doesn't heal! Yes, I said it. It's not time alone that heals, it's the grieving. You want to know why? It's because grieving is the most comprehensive effort you'll ever make when you're in sorrow. Why do I say it's comprehensive? Because it involves every single part of you to grieve. It includes every thought, every feeling, every touch, every spoken word or utterance, every action and predisposition you have within you to do the work of grieving. You see, time doesn't involve any action from you.


Time is time and it never slows, it's always moving forward whether or not we put forth any effort. So, if we don't actively, or deliberately grieve, how can we really expect to heal and move forward in time? We can't. If you don't participate in your own healing process, time won't heal you and you will be what is called "stuck." I know it's painful to start working on healing while you are fresh into grieving. I've been there and it was the most difficult, paralyzing, hurtful, depressing, hopeless place I've ever been in my life! It took me more than a year to find the strength to seek help. Oh yes, time had marched on....but I was stuck in my own bubble of despair. Time didn't offer me any solace or comfort...in fact it made it worse, because I felt like it had robbed me of time with Mike and was being very unforgiving in marching boldly into each new day, month, year with me falling deeper into despair, loneliness, and sadness. Time, yes time didn't do a thing to heal me!


It wasn't until my 2nd trip through therapy that I started to grasp why I had to do the work of grieving in order to heal my soul so I could have a better sense of well-being, and feel confident enough to start moving forward (with Mike still planted firmly in my heart and mind). Yes, I realize I was healing...not healed completely and probably never ever, but I could see where I was making progress. So what did I do to take control of my grieving so I could get to a better place of healing? I starting working....not the typical 9 to 5 grind. I started by joining a grief therapy program (remember I said I did it twice.) I also gave myself permission to grieve out loud, grieve in public, grieve in phone conversations with friends and loved ones, grieve in church, grieve in the shower, and anywhere else I needed to! I got active again, by volunteering, writing this blog, and publishing my first children's picture book! I started going to dinner with friends and taking trips (Egypt was first). I think you get my drift of how I took action (work) and opened myself up to allow others who wanted to help me know how I felt and what I needed so they could.


I am approaching Mike's 3 year homegoing anniversary. Yes, I'm still in love with Mike and I miss him terribly. But I know my work is paying off, because lately, I've noticed I'm laughing more when I or someone else is sharing a funny memory or encounter with him. I can look at his pictures and not cry as hard and long as I used to. That doesn't mean I don't miss him, love him or wish in my heart that I could have had more time with this incredible, beautiful man. But, I think it's my own proven validation that working through the grief is the only true way to heal. So, let the healing begin or let it continue...I'll take it either way! Can you share how you may be finding ways to heal?

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