I wondered what the month of June is known for so I looked it up on the internet. Here's what I found: The month of June is known as the time many schools let out for the summer, and June 20, 21, or 22 (depending on the year) is the longest day of the year with the most daylight hours in the Northern Hemisphere. June also plays host to the ever-important national holidays of Father's Day and Juneteenth.
June is also the month many brides choose for their wedding. Two of my sons were born in June and ironically on the exact same day, just 10 years apart! June is also marked as the beginning of summer. Considering the above-mentioned notorieties, I had plenty of reasons to celebrate many occasions in June. For me, June held other significant events, but not necessarily in the fun category…like having cataract surgery on both eyes and going to the dentist twice, the spine doctor once, and having weekly acupuncture treatments. I also decorated Mikes grave with flowers for Father’s Day.
There was one celebration that I really did get a chance to carve out some fun and that was going to a cookout that one of the moms from our kids’ days playing sports in the schools’ rec-league program hosted for the group of us moms that often get together to touch base and catch up! Overall, the month of June was a mixed bag for me, but it was also a reminder of all the things I have to be grateful and thankful for.
I’m finding myself thinking about Mike and asking myself if he would approve of how I’m living my life. I actually talk out loud to him when I’m alone and want to express my feelings about maybe something that happened that day or moment and what would he tell me to do or feel if he was here with me. It’s comforting for me to think about him this way because he always showed wisdom and deep thought and would be so even tempered and level headed about how we should approach problems we encountered.
I’m a reactionary train wreck when faced with some issues, especially unexpected ones. But Mike would always be that calming voice and reassurance. I miss him like crazy as I navigate through this life as a widow who is still longing for the presence of my husband and the relationship, we built over those 42 years of living life side by side.
I’m grateful for the memories, but I’m longing for the past to be the present. If you have lost someone and find yourself with similar experiences and feelings, would you share how you may be coping in this safe, nonjudgmental community space? Would love to hear from you. Meanwhile, be blessed, stay safe and know that you are loved by the most important BEING ever to be…God bless you!!!!!
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